Short Plays for Tall People
  • (Lights up on a house full of prostitutes. There is heavy traffic outside. Enter Ellen.)

  • Ellen:

    WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF?

  • (A madam, Madam Bottoms, walks up to Ellen.)

  • Madam Bottoms:

    Karma.

  • Ellen:

    That’s not…I signed up for all of this willingly.

  • Madam Bottoms:

    Well, may I offer you this expensive prostitute? But you can only have her for forty-five minutes and no permanent teeth marks.

  • Ellen:

    Well, if you can’t leave permanent teeth marks what’s the fun?

  • Madam Bottoms:

    You can make permanent teeth marks for an extra five fifty.

  • Ellen:

    I don’t have that kind of money. It’s why I rented my house out to a brothel. And my driveway out to the Department of Transportation.

  • Madam Bottoms:

    I’m still a little unclear as to what’s happening in that driveway.

  • Ellen:

    Driver’s tests.

  • Madam Bottoms:

    At eight hundred and fifty miles per hour?

  • Ellen:

    Well, you have to get a license to drive a rocket car some way.

  • Madam Bottoms:

    Your driveway’s only, like…thirty feet long.

  • Ellen:

    Well, you don’t have to drive it FAR.

  • (A rocket car smashes through the wall. The driver flies through the windshield and out a window. The instructor unbuckles his seatbelt, exits the flaming wreckage, and walks up to Ellen.)

  • Instructor:

    Sorry. We’ll compensate you for that.

  • Ellen:

    OH MY GOD.

  • Instructor:

    May I offer you this expensive prostitute?

  • (Blackout.)

  • secretly they were all four inches tall and the rocket car was a hot wheels

 
  1. foptheater posted this